TrolleyBUZZSept042003

When we last left The Trolley, we saw... THIS WOMAN, Beth, hurl a cruel if factually accurate Giant Head Slur at the beloved but monster noggined Reverend Dave. The Reverend was of course concealing a deep love for Beth, but he laughed like a drunken hyena when - without warning - the object of his affection was struck on the back of the head by a large hot dog thrown by...

THESE WOMEN... Known in Organized Crime circles as The AMEES, they are the two most feared messengers in all of the underworld. Both named Amy (but spelled differently), it is their evil task to deliver the dreaded Hot Dog Of Death, a crime world notice of immediate demise at the hands of...

THESE TWO HIT PEOPLE, Ann and Slippery John. He is the most ruthless killer in the entire criminal world, and she is the sweet and dainty inventor of the Easy Bake Oven. Together they provide a complete and loving (if somewhat bloody) home for...

THIS CHILD,
who they proudly call Slippery Skip. Skip is following in dad's vicious foot steps. While he has not actually whacked anyone yet, he has gotten very creative with his pranks. For example there's the move he pulled on...

THESE BABES... who are the founders of The Big-Head Male Fan Club. They contacted the Boss of the Tomali Crime Family to arrange for a hit on Beth for her unkind remarks regarding Reverend Dave's monster neck bulb. At the meeting Slippery Skip took the opportunity to affix a severed hand the back of Florabell's head with boat epoxy, which greatly amused...

THIS MAN,
Clarn MacHannahearny, the first Scotsman to ever become head of a Mexican crime family. He agreed to send The Amee's to fire a the hot dog of death at the back of Beth's head, marking her for death at the hands of Slippery John. He then quickly died as he choked on a tater-tot laughing at the hand glued to the back of Florabell's head, that once belonged to...

THIS MAN, Eric "The Breather" Hutcheson. Called 'The Breather" because he simply refuses to be killed, he was recently thrown into the Ohio River after Slippery John chopped his hand off. Which did not kill him. Thinking the water might interfere with his breathing, Slippery John chucked him in the river, which really upset...

THIS GUY, Grunt Doleman. He's a rival of Slippery John who seeks revenge since Slippery John paid a manicurist to wax his eyebrows with a blow torch. He had hoped to beat Slippery John to the punch by nailing The Breather. He missed his chance, but has entered into another plan for revenge with...

THESE GUYS,
Sean and Phil. They hang out at The Trolley Stop and drink huge amounts of beer. They have entered into a terrible revenge plot with Grunt Doleman to get even with Slippery John for the eyebrow gag. To accomplish this they will all three sneak up on and give a massive bloody hicky to...

THIS WOMAN, Robunda Malmo. She is Slippery John's mistress, but she was quite happy to awaken at the bar with a hicky that resembles actor Sam Rockwell. Which is a huge shock to...

THIS WOMAN, who continues to receive an enormous amount of ridicule from Robunda for having a blister on her temple that looks alot like Tomcat. Most shun the woman and her disturbing hippie blemish, but not...

THIS MAN, Ben. He has lost his love for another (Colleen) and now loves the girl with the Tomzit. He seeks help in removing the terrifying Goldilocked lump from...

THESE WOMEN, Lindsey and Erin. These two are able heal and alter the human body and other objects with their magical bodily gases. In this photo for instance, they heal famous bicyclist Lance Armstrong's flat tire with two powerful blasts. Boy, look how happy. Anyway, Ben wants to enlist their help in lopping off the Tomcat shaped tumor on his honey's cranium. But they refuse! They instead unleash a titanic gas attack on...

THIS WOMAN, who is not involved in this story except for being truly appalled by large magenta gas balls fire up her nose by Lindsey and Erin. Which brings us to...

THIS MAN, Dr. J. Dr. J has been doing research into cloning and organ growth, and is shown here with a mini-him. He will attempt to re-grow The Breather's hand for Grunt so that he can re-attach it, which will really piss off Slippery John, not realizing this will earn him a visit from The Amees. While working on this project he grows a sexy babe from scratch. And that woman is...

THIS MAN, known as Kevin. Due to some serious problems in Dr. J's process, the sexy babe he grew occasionally becomes atomically unstable and turns into THIS MAN. Er, Kevin. This odd problem does not diminish the love of...

THIS MAN, Adam. He is in love with - oh look, she's back - THIS WOMAN, a sexy babe he's named Jessica.
Which is to say he loves her when she's THIS WOMAN, and not THAT MAN in the previous picture. Adam wants to make Dr. J's sexy babe work more stable and so he turns to...

THIS MAD SCIENTIST, known in crazy scientist circles as Mad Don, he is a genius of combining various sciences to produce money making products. His latest plan? To use DNA taken from atomically unstable sexy babe Jessica and combine it with human tissue to produce an ever growing source of food! His only problem? Where can he obtain a large amount of human tissue for his experiments? Which causes our attention to be drawn to...

THIS MAN, Long Dave. As a star of thousands of poorly made adult films he is, as it happens, to be in possession of an enormous amount of human tissue (if you know what I mean). Mad Don must find a way to get Long Dave to provide samples of his... uh... tissue, if his experiments are to proceed. But how? The person to do this would have to be both a doctor and butcher, able to work with a wide variety of meats. Just when all seems lost he is contacted by...

THIS MAN, who wishes to remain nameless. Suffice to say he works in the shadows and feels no qualms about "dirty jobs". He LOVES Mad Don's idea for ever-growing meat and agrees to "snip a sample" (see photo above). Not only that, he offers to market the tube shaped meat product to the world, calling it "Miracle Meat". And he knows just the man to move this questionable stuff...

THIS MAN. Uh oh, it's Renfro. Renfro will sell ANYTHING. And he jumps at the chance to get in on the ground floor of "Miracle Meat". He hooks up with the man who wishes to remain nameless at The Trolley Stop to hand out samples of the tangy tube of atomically unstable meat. The first two takers are The Amees, and they immediately fire it across The Trolley Stop!
Where it strikes...

Where we'll see THIS MAN, Mark. He is so upset by having to read the entire As The Trolley Turns episode that he punches himself repeatedly in the face and says...
"Please Reverend Dave... Shorter Next Time..."

And with that, another batch of silly is loosed upon an unsuspecting world. Daddy Brent and Amy got married, and man that's great. He's turned into a pal and that's saying something in this goofy world - may they see each other as they did today forever. Congrats to you both.

The anniversary of 9/11 is on us again; apparently it will not be getting any easier with time. It still makes me too sad to put anything up here about it, except to mention that it matters that we remember. Always find that moment, it's important.

Try to get out to a show, and as is the case with every TrolleyBUZZ page keep in mind that I compose these while naked and covered with a thick layer of honey-baked ham.