TrolleyBUZZMay302002

This has been another TrolleyBUZZ page, so stay tuned and check back for the numerous updates that I will undoubtedly post when I get the casts off my wrists. Carpel Tunnel Syndrome is a lot less funny when I have it. At this point I can't operate a door knob. Well, really any knob. Frankly, until I had this problem I never noticed how "knob-centric" our society is. I mean, try to find a standard door without one for crying out loud. It's like, I don't know, we're all knob-aholics or something. You think our founding father and mothers invisioned a world totally dependent on knobs? Hell NO! We weren't born with trunks like them friggin' peanut hoarding pachyderms. I got wrists man! WRISTS! I got a THUMB. I can reach and grasp! Would it kill us, would we whither as a society if we began to make use of something besides a frigging KNOB? I don't think so, my fellow Americans, I don't think so. Honestly, if we can't find a way to open something without a knob, haven't the terrorists already won? Besides, would not using knobs be so bad? Would it really give you a huge neck pain to have to pull a lever or something? I read about a door in a castle in England, and it revolved, and every time somebody went through it pumped 50 gallons of water into the place. NO KNOB. Sweet baby Jesus, I'd love to pump some water as long as the device that did the work was sans knob. Hmm. Wonder if I'm stretching this bit out too much? You know, I bet if I switch to a smaller font I can keep this stupid gag going another three weeks at least. Yeah! Though I should mention, parenthetically, that my wrists actually do hurt. Not like, you know, I'm going to kill myself. Not like the time I was trying to bond with a girlfriend and I decided to let her wax my gut. I mean, DAMN. And girls get that done to their crotch. I'd have to have my spinal cord severed to be able to stand that. Once when I was in high school I saw a gang of toughs hang a solitary smaller boy from a basketball hoop by the waistband of his underpants. This of course was a wedgie related assault. Man, I bet THAT hurt. Another time I heard about a kid who slid down a stairway banister and got going too fast and when he got to the bottom he smacked into the big wooden ornamental ball? And knocked it off and then he scrapped over the nail that held it on. Woowee. Makes me get all sweaty just thinking about it. As a feature of this web site, this is really crappy. At some point I have to just admit that it's all about eating up a little space. I bet no one even reads it. Ok, hey, here's the deal - if you read this send me an e-mail saying so. You win... I don't know. I'll think about a prize. HEY! Adrianne sent me the first e-mail, so she wins a wonderful life changing prize. As soon as I think of one. Oh! Abby sent me an e-mail too. Let's see... hmmm... I'm a little stumped. I mean the idea that anyone actually reads this is a little disturbing to be honest. I mean, that someone would take the time. Hmm. I mean, how obsessed can you be? Wait. Maybe they're going to stalk me. Oh my God. That's it. They're going to stalk me. They're going to steal my underpants off of the cloths line! They're going to sneak up on me in a public restroom and grab my shoes under the stall door! Yikes! YIKES I SAY! Abby is strong to. Strong like bull. I would be helpless. Once she tore a guys arm off because he brushed up against her boob in a movie line TORE IT OFF!!! But you know, I dig a strong woman. There's something comforting knowing that if trouble starts your chick will come over and dust off the dogs on some jerk who was rude to you. Usually women are sitting there explaining how their guy is going to kick so-and-so's ass, meanwhile so-and-so turns out to be eleven Hell's Angels. Next thing you know you're in the hospitol having your shoes surgically removed from your buttocks,.