Chicken Pox - Monkey Pox – Moose Pox – *Insert Any Animal Name Here* Pox - Ebola – Hebola – Shebola – Webola - Man Pies – Taint Mites – Dr. Slibo’s Flaming Crevice – Hardened Crotch – Jumbos – Germans – Shortness Of Pants – Tall Stool – Bold Rump – Jemimas – Nut Rot –
Mad Cow – Miffed Cow – Perturbed Cow – Understandably Upset Cow – Pissed Bovine – Grunwald’s Bruise – Sluts – Groin Pull – Groin Pull – Groin Pull (getting close) – High Balls – Nuns – Jerked Anything – Camel Toe – Ox Knuckle – Monkey Paw – Bad Timing – Bossy Stool –
Sense Of Tumor – Measles – Mumps – Cocks – Humble Thigh – Super Models – Smartass – Dumbass – Ass With Degree In Business Administration – Hairy Pooter – Gumbles (Brian Or Greg) – Bad Porn – Scolded Hog – Ricketts – Tommy Lee Bones – Stewed Pooch – Cocks – Bra Varmints – Poor Judgment – Premature Emasculation – Bats – Chuck Berry – Captain Bob’s Huge Genitalia – Swollen Ego – Diced Johnson – SARS – Limp Bizkit – Lumber Jacks – Tyler Durden –
Alfredo Garcia – Rolo Tomasi - Keyser Sφze – Obscure References - Busted Slot – Oblivious Wood – Giant Mutant Circus Freak Head (hey, one per bar) – Dry Heaves – Wet Heaves –
I Can’t Believe You’re Still Reading These -  I Can’t Believe I’m Still Writing These –
Jonathan Prices’s Badger Hair – Drunken Idiot – Sober Idiot – Toad Stool – “Holly Jolly” Ball Punch – Denny’s Grand Slam Barf Drink – Poop – Squab – Loud Trousers -  Ulterior Motives –
Apparent Shithead – Revealed Member (Dan) – Ornery Groin – State Sponsored Wedgies –
Large Wigs – Motivational Murderers – Fungus – Nofungus – Stringy Teeth – Daisy Pukes – Mustache Weevils – Al and Marge Keida – Unsightly Snout – “Foxy” Flatulence – Whooping Shits – Airborne Pregnancy (John) – Miss Pauline’s Enormous Vagina – Bubonic Nads –
Aggressive Knockers – Henchmen - Incorrectly Installed Or Faulty Versions Of “Danni’s Boomin’ Beefcheek Inserts” – Outernet – Buck Toes – Anxious Shorts – Villainous Breath – Small Pox – Large Pox -  Beelzebutt – Intentional Cruelty – Unintentional Kindness – Tarts – Babies – Dicktaters – A Tall Frosty Mugging – French Pissing – And If You Can Possibly Avoid It… DEATH.
Watch Out!
The flu epidemic continues unabated, and that's just one of the ailments that could ruin your hoilday.  Below you will see a short list of other illnesses, people, situations, products, and general "issues of concern" that you may want to print and carry with you as a handy reference.  Because one false move and... BOOM!
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Hope this helps. 
Merry whatever the hell it is you people have this time of year at your house.